You may not think so now, but there IS going to come a time when you’ll at least consider this question: Am I ready to love again? You may answer with ” NO way, I’d rather have dinner with a hungry lion while smothered in blood”. But you WILL make a decision either way.
It IS a big decision. Am I prepared to open my heart and my life again for a relationship, and potential hurt and/or embarrassment? Or am I happy either being by myself, focussing on my children, career, goldfish, or electric kettle collection?
Is it worth all the hassle? And believe me, there WILL be hassles.
You’ll lie awake for days devising hundreds of questions and what ifs and drive yourself crazy.
With that in mind, I have put together my top 5 issues to ponder if you’re considering opening your heart again.
- Are you still angry at your ex and/or angry at yourself for marrying him?
Probably not a good place to begin a new relationship if you haven’t resolved most of the emotion of your marriage. Forgive yourself, and your ex for your mistakes. Holding grudges will not make you any happier. Remember you have the rest of your life ahead of you. Make it your best years yet.
Besides, what will annoy your ex more than seeing you moving on and being happy?
- Have you grown too accustomed to having everything YOUR way?
Queen of the household and all that jazz. Control of the remote, the entire bed to sprawl out in, and girly stuff all over the house? Can you share again? Here’s the clincher: are you ready to share your bottles of wine…
- Are the kids ready to see you with someone other than their Dad?
Watch your step here, this could be tricky. Some children may never be ready for this, so you’ll need to negotiate some strategies to minimise damage. It’s like a minefield, so tread carefully. This topic is so huge and fraught with danger, it really needs an entire post by itself, so I’ll get on to that!
In the meantime, consider how ready your kidlets are to share you.
- What if my dog/cat/guinea pig/imaginary friend doesn’t like him/her?
They’re all very intuitive as you know, so maybe listen to them ( Especially the imaginary friend, it knows you best. Though on the flip side, maybe it wants you all to him/herself?? ) . Having said that, I once went out with a guy whose cat was so jealous of me she spat and hissed and screamed blue murder if I went within 5 feet of her. And I LOVE cats, my name is Cat for god’s sake! But this fellow adored his nasty cat more than me, probably a little too much. So here’s another tip: Beware of men who do eccentric things like leaving bathroom and kitchen cupboard doors wide open for the cat to sleep in.
Likewise can you be with someone who can’t handle your pug’s fur on their precious rug, or who would rather hold a plate of worms than said guinea pig?
- Are you looking for an actual relationship or just someone to go to the movies and whinge about work to?
Here’s the biggie. What is it you think you can actually handle at this point in your life? TIP: If you’re not 100% sure about a full on relationship, just dip your toe in and start with a casual one. But be completely upfront with your potential partner from the word go. You do NOT want him ordering wedding stationary if you’re just bored of nights home alone and want someone to play poker with.
If you’re anything like me ( crazy, paranoid, but hopeful) you’re dead scared to have another stuffed up a relationship. Not just because of your heart, but also because of your kids, family and reputation. Nobody wants others to think you’re a relationship-hopper ( and I have met some of these!) just because you’re someone who would like to find THE one to share your time with, and potentially more. Ignore those who think you should be by yourself until your kids are adults, they’ll probably be very vocal about it too, so buy earplugs. Everyone will have an opinion on what you should be doing. Only listen to your own.
Make your OWN decisions based on your life, needs, plans and desires. Those who matter, will simply want you to be happy.
Don’t panic…most decisions are reversible. Just like marriage!